It’s no secret that I like heels. Very, very high heels. If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me ‘How on Earth do you walk in those?’ I would certainly be able to afford far more shoes, and I wouldn’t have to come back with stupid retorts like ‘I put one foot in front of the other’.

Now I (and most females on Planet Earth) know that walking in heels is not easy. It takes balance, calm and some super calf muscles, not to mention an ability to bear pain like no other (I haven’t felt my feet in years, a la Rachel Green…) but all of these things take time and practice – and i’ve been in training for ten years.

Totally hilarious meme thanks to Pickled Nonsense, who has clearly experienced my pain.

But last Friday saw my very first very nasty Heel Related Injury (HRI). 

After years of listening to my mother and boss and friends warn me about the height of my heels, I finally gave them a reason to worry. I have the bruises to prove it.

Where did it all go so wrong? One minute I was gracefully coming down the stairs, the next I was a shaking mess in a ball on the floor at the bottom – although my first thought (while breathing though the pain) was ‘ohmigod, please don’t let anyone have seen that! And please let my shoes be okay!’

Fashion before function – battle scars

I can only assume I didn’t place my foot entirely on the step and while the heel got traction, the platform front didn’t and I was head over heels headed towards the floor. And I’m not going to lie – it hurt like all get out. The feeling that something was possibly broken, the flood of adrenaline made me want to vomit and the sheer will to not cry in front of a room of 900 women (oh yes, I don’t do these things in halves!). I still get chills.

And so I picked myself up off the floor, cringed while I straightened my legs and slowly made my way across the room to my table. The swelling picked up over the next few hours and by the end of the day it was becoming near impossible to walk. 

Getting back in the saddle – the wedding outfit (Dress by Gary Begeni, Shoes by Tony Bianco)

But as a testament of my dedication to the shoe (and fashion in general), I woke up Saturday morning ready to get back on the horse – I strapped on heels again and carefully applied fake tan to hide the bruises and went off to celebrate the wedding of friends (congrats to Steve and Claire!).

I will say however that I have learnt my lesson and am simply grateful that all my bones came away from the incident in one piece.  

Note to all : PAY VERY CAREFUL ATTENTION WHEN ON STAIRS IN HEELS!! 
(This has been a fashion safety message, bought to you by Sarah’s Style Emporium)