Right now, I am 28 years, 2 months, 20 days and about 12 hours old. Give or take – well, I guess give – depending on when you read this.

The thought of turning 30 has terrified me ever since I turned 22, and as it gets closer and closer and milestones pass (like the day I turned the same age as when my mother gave birth to me) the looming line in the sand becomes more and more real.

Whilst riding the tram home tonight (and becoming so distracted by the fear that I left my umbrella on the 72), I came across a blog post by Em Rusciano, inspired by a magazine from 1997 that listed 30 things you should have done by the time you were 30.

On reading Em’s responses (she had 16 out of the 30), I figured I have about 22 months to complete all the things on the list and perhaps now was a good time to check it out and see where I was lacking.

So according to the list, by 30, I should have:

1. One old boyfriend I can imagine going back to and one who reminds me of how far I’ve come.
Um, so I haven’t really had a lot of boyfriends. The ones I can imagine going back to are married. The ones who remind me how far I’ve come have fallen off the radar.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
If it was owned by someone off eBay, does that count? Otherwise, can IKEA be described as ‘decent’?

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
This I have covered. This I could do in 30 minutes.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
I have many, many purses I am not ashamed to be seen carrying. I do not own my own suitcase (best I get one in the next 22 months) and I left my umbrella (gorgeous, clear with polka dots) on a tram tonight. But I LOVED it.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
There was recently a group on Facebook, ‘All my friends are getting married. I’m just getting drunk’. My lifestyle lends itself to partying. I have 22 months of ‘youth’ left.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
I think I am pretty straight and narrow really – I was the ‘square‘ at high school, I’m always the last one in the office. Must do something juicy in the next year and a half.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.
Now that I am freelancing and contracting, I am supposed to look after this myself. I figure if I wait three months, I might be able to take a trip. I’ll start saving again soon. I swear.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.
I have seven email addresses, but only one voicemail. And the message is wrong. Several bank accounts – none of them have any money in them, however.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
I am quite thrilled to report I have NEVER had to pad my resume. I am awesome already.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
I am truly blessed to have many, many friends who are both.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
I have one (singular) screwdriver – why do I need a set? And a drill? Probably not safe. Bra’s I have in spades.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
Just one thing???

13. The belief that you deserve it.
I think I am getting there. The ridiculously expensive thing I bought for myself, was therapy.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
I occasionally remove my make up. I occasionally go around the lake. I rarely have a plan for dealing with life.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Define ‘solid’ and ‘satisfying’.

Apparently, by 30, I should also know …

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
Did it once. Got hurt. Isn’t that enough?

2. How you feel about having kids.
This changes day to day. Today I have a cold my two year old niece gave me. Today I do not want kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
I have quit several jobs. Pretty sure I cried every time. I don’t think that is how you are supposed to do it. Men? I broke up with a few. Pretty sure I cried every time. I don’t think that’s how you are meant to do that either. I rarely tell a friend anything that is even remotely in the vicinity of ruining a friendship. Some things are best left unsaid. And I am an ugly crier.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
A life failing of mine. I never walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
I’ve been told on several occasions I am good at this. Big tick here.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.
Do we have a secretary of state? I know who the Governor-General is, and I can tell you that woman has the best tailor in town and is old enough to be a great grandmother. Surely that counts?

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
I know how to live along, and I like it. It’s living with other people that worries me.

8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing.
The top shelf of my pantry houses everything my soul needs for soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
The length of your legs can be altered with heels. The width of your hips can be altered with Spanx. My parents are pretty awesome and need no altering.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
I think my childhood was pretty great actually. Can I have two points for that?

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
I may need to work on this area.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
I know I drink too much. But I’m young – at least for another 22 months. And you should all be grateful I don’t smoke or do drugs. I’m practically an angel.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
I take everything personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
This one took a while, but I think I’m good with it now. The therapy helped.

15. Why they say life begins at 30.
I have 22 months to finish this list and work it out – and then life can really begin. Apparently.