Today was my inaugural Tatts Cox Plate and while I do hope to return again next year, it won’t be unless I manage to snag a spot in a marquee or as a VIP in a function room. The morning dawned bright and sunny and I was thrilled to be able to wear outfit choice A, and not have to revert to wet weather option B, or wind option C. The tanning products came out, hair tongs and sprays, sunscreens, moisturisers and make up – a two hour effort to put together the perfect races look to match a perfect Spring day.

While my outfit was by no means extravagant or award winning, I was happy with my look; white dress with purple and white painted flowers, black plaited straps and empire waist tie by Diana Ferrari, never worn black satin shoes from a few seasons back by Tony Bianco, a suede ivory clutch that was a birthday gift last year (Forever New in case you were interested) and the finishing touch, a black fascinator purchased at Target at the last minute. A curled side ponytail, green contacts just for fun and basic makeup – I was ready to dazzle the crowds at Moonee Valley.

We arrived at the track without incident and parked easily. Picnic rug and gourmet snacks packed in handy eco bags, supplies (the important stuff like hairspray, static spray and spare shoes) and chairs at the ready, we teetered towards the track in our heels on grass, blissfully unaware of the pain we would be in just hours later. While I thought my heels were high, I was impressed with the girl from the car next to ours who towered in stilettos twice as high as mine but this was nothing compared for the scenes we would be confronted with upon entering the track.

We found our patch of grass (minus the chairs because apparently they are a no go), laid out our rug and broke out the cheese and crackers. There is nothing like a picnic if you do it right, and I am pleased that my racing companions scored a perfect 10 for picnic planning 101. We had crackers of several varieties, cheeses (five!), dried fruit, fresh fruit, sundried tomatoes, chips and dip, followed by meringue, strawberries and whipped cream in a can (not nearly as bad as it sounds, actually!). Our skin tingled from the sun and we sipped our (smuggled in) champagne with delight.

The temperature increased and so did the crowds. People were everywhere. Nothing brings out the masses like the lure of a day in sun and alcohol. Impossible to move and starting to dehydrate after two hours in full sun, I headed inside in search of cooler spaces. Ten minutes in a queue for the ladies together with too much sunshine and dehydration combined to ensure my hereditary curse of feeling faint at the most inopportune of times hit me and we headed for the St Johns first aid area where there was a good supply of cold water and help on hand should I have decided to create a scene. Fifteen minutes in the shade, a good dose of water and more sunscreen and we were back trackside for the next race.

It was at this point that the heat and hordes of punters started to get to all of us and after just 3 hours on the lawn, we packed up and headed for the Fashions on the Field area. A ticket mix up and some very rude Moonee Valley Staff later, we had had enough. I appreciate that the staff at events such as this are under a lot of pressure when there are so many people to control, but at no point is rudeness called for. If staff usher people though and then realise they have made a mistake – don’t yell at the patrons for your error. Ask us politely to leave and we will; there is no need for blatant discourteousness. More friends are won with honey, or so the saying goes.

So while I only saw the Fashions on the Field briefly, I’d like to base my assessment of today’s fashion on what I observed on the lawn. Flesh. More Flesh. Tanned Flesh. A Flash. Yet more Flesh. Yep, the younger ladies have forgotten that the races is at its very essence a classy and refined event and bought out the mini dresses (some featuring cut outs!) more suited to a night club than the track. While the colours were fabulous, skirts that allow the people on rugs to see your knickers (or lack of) as you walk past are unsuitable and any sort of top that exposes more breast than it covers does not have a place at the races. Girls drinking directly from cans showed just how young they really were, while the boys downing beers as the day heated up probably had no interest in the horses and instead rated the scantily clad fillies as odds on favourite to go home with them tonight.

In my opinion, it’s such a shame that the racing venues and boards allow the dress code to be so liberal these days, eradicating decades of historical fashion trends and sophistication. Kudos to those who actually make the effort – it’s these women who are carrying the torch of race meets in days gone by. We salute you.

Dragging our feet back to the car in the handy flats tucked away in the bottom of our purses, we escaped Moonee Valley and lived to tell the tale – but only just. My first big races meet only proved what I have been told over and over; that the races just aren’t worth the hassle if you aren’t getting the VIP service. Derby Day will be celebrated in the comfort of my local hotel while Cup Day is reserved for local country races where the family atmosphere outweighs the drunken and deranged. Oaks will be spent at work and by the time Stakes Day rolls around, I think I will just about be done with Spring Racing for the year.

Thanks to Melbourne’s GPO for giving me the only thing I won today, to Miss K for looking after me in my moment of weakness today and to Miss C and Miss L for being such wonderful companions – and you all looked FABULOUS! x

(Picture thanks to The Age and Getty Images)