Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me.
This is a mantra pretty much every kid grows up hearing. The fact that we shouldn’t let bullies at school (or the workplace) let us feel any less than fabulous, that we are all important and special and that we should never, ever, let anyone tell us different.
But inevitably, someone will always say something and the hurt that you are not supposed to let in, comes.
I don’t remember much about my primary school days. I don’t recall ever hating it or feeling like there was someone there out to get me. At high school I experienced my fair share of bullying (never physical but sometimes I think the physiological is worse) because I was smart – generally a trait considered to be a good thing but for the few years when it’s seen to be cool to fail an assignment or be caught smoking behind the sheds.
My abilities that should have been seen as a gift came to be a hindrance; getting A’s was my own personal failure. Friendship groups change a lot as people grow up but I will never forget how I felt in the early years of high school, and how different things might have been. I’ve said it before – bones mend but names stay with you forever.
I guess this is why, as I have grown as well, it has taken so long for me to get my confidence back. I regularly doubt myself, see my failure in everything and put everyone before me out of fear I’ll lose them if I don’t. It has taken 10 years to start to see these behavioural patterns and try to turn them around – and I still have a long way to go – but it’s a start.
As you all well know, my blog and all the successes that have come with it are a big tick on my board of personal achievements and one day it would be nice to be able to say, ‘Wow, I did that’, and be really proud of all I have managed to accomplish. My recent win in the Westfield Blogger competition was also evidence of the support I have from family, friends and readers, another reason I should be able to smile and take credit where credit is due.
But less than 24 hours after my guest post was published on the Westfield insider blog, I felt 13 again, banished back to a place and time best left forgotten and buried at the back of my mind. It’s hard for me to hide the hurt and while I try to hold back tears, in reality, they come easily.
I love shopping, I really do. And I love fashion. But I am no stylist. I am not a hairdresser, make-up artist or art director. I just like writing – that’s all. So when I was sent, on my own, to find outfits to wear for the blog post (ironically, to my high school reunion) I was a little nervous. And it was, quite honestly, a rather unpleasant experience.
I had my list of stores to try – not stores I would usually shop in myself, and my 8megapixel digital camera. A messy up do and my usual minimal make-up. Not exactly Vogue.
The first store was great. The staff were helpful, fun and encouraging. By the time I had tried on half of Westfield three hours later and had to deal with change rooms full of people watching me, ill- fitting clothing and bad photos, I was ready to give it all up. I was flushed from all the changing, my hair had gone from chic messy to just plain messy and my energy levels (and enthusiasm) were severely depleted. This was no longer fun.
Writing the blog was the easy part. Words come easily and I like talking about fashion. Anyone can learn textbook style and generally I know what works and what doesn’t, but when forced to put together whole outfits from stores I know don’t work for me, things get a little harder. I hated the photos. I hated the outfits. But, there was a deadline and that was all I had. What was done, was done. I submitted the three ‘best’ pictures, and my words, and that was it.
Over the following week I was asked to submit a few additional images – ones I wasn’t thrilled about, but I sent them as instructed. When the blog went live I discovered one of the images I had really disliked had been used but by that stage there really wasn’t anything I could do about it. I’m no model, and the blog is supposed to depict ‘the everyday’.
And then the comments started. I had been warned by the Westfield Insider herself to be prepared for some negativity, after all she cops it nearly every day, but after the tirade of vicious insults started streaming through, I was taken aback.
I was at the dinner table with my family when I heard the blog was live. My excitement that my guest blog would be seen by 60,000 plus people quickly turned to trying to hide my disappointment as I read the comments people had left. It’s difficult to stifle that kind of sadness.
Few who had left negative comments left their names; others who provided constructive criticism and feedback are supportive of my efforts – because that’s what they were: efforts. I tried, with my limited resources, to cater to the audience of the blog – much wider in range than my own little piece of the web.
Of course the balance of negative vs positive comments has evened out somewhat since the blog was posted, but this doesn’t counteract the damage that’s already been done. I can argue my side all day – that I didn’t want particular pictures used, that my ‘good’ bras were in the wash, that my camera was below par, that I was on my own. It doesn’t take away from the fact that there are people out there with nothing better to do than criticize others.
I was told if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it al all – a concept that seems to fly out the window when it comes to social media. The bullying may be faceless but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I’ve taken a deep breath, had my moment of feeling sorry for myself and I’m moving on. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger and it’s probably time I had to deal with something like this in what I think is a pretty charmed life. Life wasn’t meant to be easy and its things like this that give me the strength to take the next step in my life journey.
I’ll make an effort to include more pictures of my own, not quite perfect, style for this site if I know I can deal with the negative and maybe in the long term that will help me be a better blogger.
And as for my high school reunion – it’s not til October – and I won’t be wearing any of the outfits I blogged about for Westfield.
If you need help, visit http://www.beyondblue.org.au
I want to give you a BIG GIANT HUG!!! Gosh damn it and damn them. I read recently about how the ‘anonymity’ of the internet turns many people in absolute a-holes. Feel sorry for them, sad excuses for human beings that they are. This is why famous people don’t read their own press. You’re amazing, beautiful girl x
I still don’t get why people get their rocks off by being outright nasty to people that they don’t even know online….and to get bitchy about somebodys body shape/hair/skin (or whatever) is just beyond year nine cattyness.
I’ll be honest, I don’t put up outfit posts on my personal blog because being a size 12-14 (NOT EVEN A FATTY!) I know that I’ll cop negative comments which I will inevitably take to heart. I can say I’m tough as nails on the outside, but nobody, no matter how confident wants to be told that they look like shit.
Screw them Sarah, the majority of comments probably came from people who were pissed that they didn’t get the guest blogger gig….You have great style and I love your blog, did I mention “screw those bitches?”
Bron xo
Lovely post. Really well written, just as your Westfield blog was.
Aren’t some people who comment on blogs such nasty pieces of shit? People are so negative, so draining. But it isn’t personal. You must have seen Youtube comments and Yahoo comments. Hell, even letters to the editor in the paper are cruel. People call girls like Britney Spears and Misha Barton fat, Kate Moss ‘washed up’, and Rihanna ‘sluts’. God it gets so much worse than that… what chance do us normal people have??
It must be hard not to take it personally, but have a look around the interweb. You’re def not the only person who has recieved unfairly harsh criticism. Some people just have nothing better to do with their time. They’re the sad, lonely ones. Not you.
Keep up and amazing work 🙂
I am appalled that Westfield has actually left those comments up there, surely they can be deleted?! Some people are unbelievable…I am genuinely shocked to learn of such nastiness. What is wrong with these human beings? I wonder about their own self belief, confidence and general moral stance that they deem that kind of behaviour in anyway acceptable. I don’t care if people are asking for public opinion by putting themselves out there – there is a line and it should not be crossed. Clearly they are not worth the time of day! You are gorgeous! If it makes you feel any better, you are my fav person to follow on twitter! x
It’s bullying. Plain and simple. The problem is, the internet is just intensifying bullying, both online and offline. I’d hate to be a teenager these days – I don’t think I would’ve coped with having the bullies being accessible after school hours as well as all day in classes!
Websites and blogs often feel they need to leave those comments up for transparency – I say the sooner they come up with guidelines for how people deserve to be treated, the better. That way if you cross the line in your comments, you get booted off the blog and when the detractors complain about free speech, you can refer them to your rules of play.
I also learned a long time ago that if you don’t want a photo published, don’t provide it to anyone. If you need to reshoot, take the time to reshoot. My husband and I argue all the time over what can and can’t go up on our dual blog – you’re the only one that will look after your own image and brand and care about it enough to say ‘yes, that is a pic I’m proud to publish’ or ‘no, I really don’t want that seen’.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, sweetie. They’re all gutless trolls.
Hello Sarah,
I think you are a very talented and brave women, for sharing with so many people your experiences.
Those nasty comments, I believe, stem from jealousy & others feeling insecure – It must be really hard for them to see fabulous girls such as yourself achieving so much more than they dare dream of. I’m sending you huge doses of happiness & good vibes, & hope that you are feeling the support from the Twitter & your blog. xxx
Firstly – congratulations on the win (I’m a bit behind)!
Secondly – Yep people can suck. I bet the anonymous, nasty ones were just sour they didn’t get chosen. Some of the negative but not so nasty ones had a few valid points (that you obviously seem to agree with anyway) and could have been written with a nicer tone, some were just plain mean for no reason.
Thirdly – oufit one was cute! outfit two = love the colour/shape and would style up well if it weren’t for it being a playsuit (of which you know I am averse 😉 Outfit three I agree with your thoughts.
Fourthly – Screw ’em you get free clothes. Have you had to spend your voucher yet? Shopping day, yes?
*Ignoring the comments there’s actually a lot to learn about blogging when it comes to photos, from this (admittedly shitty situation). SO much work goes into that “oh yes, I’m just taking a few happy snaps before I head off to whatever event” look that so many model-adjacent bloggers espouse. You could even do a before and after post here sometime with photography tips when you are feeling game again. PS It took me about 800 -seriously! – photos to find about a dozen decent ones for that Witchery shoot I did a while back – so I don’ t envy your deadlines and changerooms mission at all.
Gosh, Sarah. I’m SO sorry you’ve gone through that. Yes, its words, some anonymously, people that felt by judging you, it empowered them.
SO damn proud of you for winning the comp!!! I’m a bit behind; sorry about that.
I would be wrecked too if I had those comments, but those of us that KNOW you, know how damn effortlessly stylish you are. Yes, you are. You know what suits you. You had limits.. but the least they could have done is thrown in a camera? A hunky photographer to go with you? I always wish for that 😛 Anyway, I hope you are feeling better, okay. Nothing like a bit of jealousy, and I took MORE umbrage at those that were trying to tell you how to write. *eyeroll*
You know, good on you Sarah. You’re honest, but you don’t let it beat you. You’re incredibly brave. And now you’re out there giving those haters (who are really cowards) a pep talk so congratulations! Fantastic win all round for you 🙂
x
oh lady. how awful. it truly is a cruel online world sometimes, but for every spiteful little bitch there’s one of us who has your back. you are gorgeous on the inside and (not that it’s as important as some might suggest) damn fine outside too. congratulations on writing this meaningful, insightful, mature, blog post – I haven’t seen the Westfield one but predict this is the one which will make a difference to others. lotsa love xox
Sarah, thankyou so much for sharing this, its one of the most powerful blogs you’ve written. Gosh there are some nasty comments that came from the Westfield blog and i couldn’t believe my eyes. Its so good to see all the support you have been getting from this post. Good on you for standing up to what would have put others down.
Sarah, your blog post just proves how much of a better person you are than all those negative people. You should be proud of yourself at how well you have handled this situation….with maturity, poise and a glass half full attitude. In short, knowing that you have so many people supporting you in life and this situation doesn’t make it any less hurtful, but rest assured that there are people out there who think what you have managed to achieved in such a short time is truly inspirational. Let the haters and jealous “unknown faces” of the internet just wash off you like water off a duck’s back. They will never be half the person you are.
OMG! So ashamed to be female right now. Let me sum it up for you ladies……
You know we cop enough flack to be perfect in every way shape and form to be exactly like the magazine pictures. So here is what you all missed…..
Sarah’s super cute smile in the Sussan outfit, her completely awesome messy up do and some great pins!
Maybe the other 2 outfits weren’t great and if you where shopping with me as mate I would point you in another direction, we all have misses, no on is perfect and a good example of that is the stinky attitude of the nasty commentors. So give a bit of constructive criticism ladies since your all apparently fashionistas….. Hoping you all have a good friend to shop with…….Have an awesome reunion, happy to shop with you anytime!
You are a gorgeous girl doing a dream job. You get paid to go shopping. Dont let anyone get you down.
Laugh Often. Dream Big. Reach for the Stars.
How are you Sarah? Well I hope? 🙂 I just wanted to say good on you for all of your good work. Forget about those who are nasty and have nothing better to do than put others down for being good and righteous. Take care and all the best to you.
Thank you for sharing your honest and very personal thoughts, Sarah. I think most of your readers would be pleased you have not caved into the boring and poorly-formed views of a cowardly minority. My SAS survival manual tells me a great pair of shoes dulls the sting of bites inflicted by wannabe fashionistas. Enjoy the reunion.
Reading your beautiful post made me feel as though I was fifteen again, with the sinking feeling in my stomach as i thought about going to school. Beautiful post!! You are so lucky, what a great blog!!! Xx
You are such an amazing person! I can’t believe people can be so cruel on the internet.. Keep up the good work. The people who post nasty comments are just jealous of you. Hope you’re feeling better though 🙂 Just know that you are better than the haters. Enjoy your school reunion! ^^
I so feel for you Sarah. Unfortunately this is probably the exact publicity Westfield is after. I find it so frustrating that I can’t find a good fashion website that focuses on the the fashion and not the comments, sadly, most seem to!! But this just shows how strong and brave you are. There is a lot of love out there, but equally as much hate from those not so comfortable and happy within themselves. It would seem it easier to bring down others than lift themselves up!! xx
Girls have so few examples of how a woman should react and behave. Your dignified stance is refreshing and welcome. Well done.
I’ve had a quick look and some of those comments are awful. The truth is they probably don’t even think of you as a real person, someone who would read their comments, they just think of it as public property. Like celebrities.
Good on you for taking it as an experience that will make you stronger. A positive outlook is always the best way to be. Keep smiling! xx
Thanks for sharing this – as Miss_T said they don’t even think you’re a real person and we’ve all been guilty of a little bitching over someone else online.
This happened to be last year when I won a travel competition -woah, people were bitchy. I let it roll off me, and seriously – just don’t read stuff anymore.
Thanks for blogging about it – it will really help people!